Having depression and anxiety at the same time is like being tired and scared or hesitant and excited all at the same time. It’s the settling for feeling lonely but the aching to not be alone, and it’s the fear of failing but having no inspiration to try. It’s like you’re running a marathon with the willpower of a corpse because you want to make it to the end but you also want to just give up and fall asleep, be left to decompose into the soil and become food for the earth because then at least you’re being useful. You try so hard to win every battle but not even because you want to win anymore but just because you want the fights to be over… As if everything that goes on in your dreams makes you feel as though you never even closed your eyes, so you’re constantly waking up after 8 hours of sleep, only to be even further sleep deprived. It’s the worst way to be too because you don’t look tired, there’s no dark circles under your eyes, yet you find yourself expecting everyone to see you’re down, so instead of waking up and deciding on an outfit you spend your time waking up and deciding on which face to use today because lord knows the original will only make us have to face the question we least want to hear, “Are you okay?” Because with depression, no you’re not, but with the anxiety, you’re fine because whomever is asking you isn’t worth the energy. Those closest to you already know everything that those who are only being polite won’t have the time to really listen to.
You will receive everything you need when you stop asking for what you do not need.
I have so much of you in my heart.